Monday, April 26, 2010

Did that kid just hit on me? A post by Mrs. Robinson.

This afternoon I was at the library (which is all this post has to do with books, sorry) and as I was leaving, two respectable looking young men came in the door. I'd put them in their late teens.

I did the door dance with one of them. You know the one. I swerve, he swerves, we both go the other way, no wait, after you, how about I go over here? Right. So that happened. I smiled at him because it was funny, and I left. Nothing was said.

Past that exit is a foyer before you get to the real exit that goes outside. In this foyer, I turned off into a corridor to stop at the ladies room, and when I was partway down that hallway, I heard someone behind me:

"Excuse me?"

I turned. It was the door dance kid: "Are you married?"


I must say, though, his timing was impeccable. Just this very day I found another gray hair.

"I'm . . ." (trying to calculate your age, can you even vote?) ". . . married."

He gave me a warm smile and a polite apology, told me to have a nice afternoon, waved, and left. I went into the ladies room and wondered what the heck just happened.

I've been told a few times in lo, my many years that I'm fairly oblivious to come-ons. I tend to just assume everybody is friendly, and that's all. But, wow. "Are you married?" That's pretty clear, right?

But wait.

Maybe he wasn't a teenager. Could it be that he was really 25, not 18, and that I'm so old now that a 25-year-old looks 18 to me?

Or what if I'd said I was single, and then he'd said, "Super. Would you give me a hand with my tenth grade sociology project? I'm supposed to interview women in mid-life who have not found love."

I imagine many endings to the alternate conversation, and all of them end in embarrassment. I just don't see myself as the cougar type, although I would really like to have my own theme song.


  1. That's hilarious.

    My own story is less flattering. When I was in the bar that James Crumley used to hang out in for the essay I wrote about him, I was sitting with a couple old timers just BSing. I'd had a couple beers, and when I ordered another one, the bartender -- a pretty young woman probably somewhere in her 20s -- said "This one's on me." I say, "Wow, thank you, I must be particularly charming today!" She gave me a smile and a wink and said, "Well, you know I've always been something of a chubby chaser."

    Doh! Self image, meet the soles of my feet!

  2. Nice! Thanks for sharing. Your story makes me even happier not to know the alternate ending to mine.

  3. ... sounds like fodder for the next book to me!

  4. Well, first of all it really beats getting called 'Ma'am' .... hate that.
    I have about 40 male college students -- so ages 18-21 ... and if you put them all in a row you could guess ages from 16 to late 20's so I'd go with a flattering ending :)